Earn a nickname.

It's hard (pun intended) to make a blog entry on nicknames without bringing up (pun intended) "Boner" from TV's Growing Pains (no pun intended).
You watch your favorite TV shows and movies, and sure enough, at least one character has a nickname that everyone calls him/her instead of his/her legal name. Coincidentally, you've grown bored with your name. DING! It clicks in your head that YOU should have a nickname too!

But what should it be? And more importantly, how can you convince people to refer to you as such? Sure you could just tell your friends, "Hey, can you start calling me 'White Lightning' from now on?" I've got news for you: they're not going to start calling you "White Lightning." And for good reason. Not only is that a ridiculous nickname, but it's one you gave yourself. That's just bad business. Nicknames need to originate from the mouth of someone other than yourself. Nicknames need to be EARNED.

So how do you earn a nickname? Well, more often than not, it comes from a behavioral pattern or sustained trait. Are you always short? Wear a lot of blue clothing? Don't look now, but you're at risk of earning "Smurf" or "Smurfette" as a nickname. Do you have pointy head? You might be called "Conehead" or "Coney" for short. Maybe you drink out of the toilet a lot? Then I shall call you John.

Here are some examples of nicknames you may desire, and ways to earn them.

1. Chief: Start wearing THIS JACKET everywhere you go, and I can almost guarantee you'll earn Chief within the first 30 days.

2. Dingo: This one's challenging. Short of having a pet dingo, it could be tough. My suggestion would be to order "the dingo" whenever you're at a bar (or make your own, see video) and be sure to announce to everyone, "Hey look at me, I'm having me a dingo again! Gotta love that dingo!!!" Slide the word "dingo" into conversation subliminally, like whenever you would normally say "Bingo" or "where did Dean go?" If all else fails, just get the pet dingo...I looked them up, and while they're not completely domesticated, they apparently can be rather good pets if properly trained from puppyhood.

3. Pow: I honestly doubt you'd want this nickname, but if you did, I'd suggest saying "POW" a lot in everyday conversation. I really just wanted an excuse to play this video: