Text a fat guy.

Coldplay's motivation for their first big hit, "Yellow."
Today, having completed 4 full weeks of "things to do" blogs, I realize that I'm exhausting the topic to its extreme. I panicked, wondering what to talk about. Then I saw this picture. So many questions immediately flooded my thought-box. First of all, where the fuck are these people? Is this the social event of the season at a shitty country club, complete with fake grass and an enormous green trash bin at every table just in case the KFC and boxed wine don't go down so smoothly? Did the dress code portion of the invitation say "casual and/or yellow", with additional information including "please bring the oldest piece of luggage you can find?" I'd love to be the guy that doesn't resort to poking fun of a fat guy and his poorly performing pants, but I'm not that guy. Plus, I'm unable to believe that this fellow is unaware of his pants situation. If there is a breeze, he'll feel it. If there's anyone behind him (obviously there was someone with a camera), he'll hear them snickering. If his gut isn't blocking the view of his left leg 100%, he'll notice his pants ripping to their very limits. But above all of this, I think I'm most curious about the cell phone texting situation going on. I think there are several valid choices for conversations that could be occurring. Here's one of them.

Guy: Hey, Ma, it's me.
Mom: How is the party, Lenny?
Guy: Not so great. Remember how I thought spandex was a good idea? Well it's not. Apparently stretchy pants can only stretch so far.
Mom: Is your ass hanging out again?
Guy: Full moon.
Mom: How about the all-yellow suit, complete with matching baggy hat? Was it a big hit?
Guy: 3 people have already asked me if I drive a taxi.
Mom: Well that's no good. Has anyone tried to steal your briefcase this time?
Guy: No, I haven't left it for a second. But it's a lot more difficult to mingle at the party knowing that all my money is left on a table. I'm starting to re-think my plan of converting all my currency to bars of gold and never open a bank account.
Mom: It probably is time to open that account, Lenny. Did you at least remember to shave before you left?
Guy: I knew I was forgetting something! Now all those comments referring to me as lumberjack, fat ZZ Top, and Bill Walton make more sense!
Mom: LOL
Guy: Shut up, Mom!
Mom: Sorry. Try to have a good time, dear. And whatever you do, make sure that there isn't someone behind you with a camera. I'd hate to see your fat ass on the internet tomorrow.
Guy: Awww....FUCK!