Lower your carbon footprint with felines.

Only 14 more loads of these furballs and we're on a ROADTRIP!!!From the advancement of the very first horse-drawn carriage, man longed to bring their best friends (dogs) along for the ride rather than some stupid pony. But one man in Alaska had 12 canine best friends. He couldn't fit them all in the carriage, so he decided to let his horse go (actually, he ate the horse), and strapped up the pups to the front of a sled. From there, he sledded into town and showed off his new mode of transportation. By the time he got there, 7 of the dogs were hobbling and one got his tongue stuck to a metal pole. This story is completely fabricated, but that's just because I didn't feel like researching why dogsleds even exist. I'm pretty sure they shouldn't. It seems sort of cruel to me, but if we're going to be mean to the canine community, there's no good reason why a "catsled" should exist either. Fuck it, let's make it happen.

I did a quick Google search for "catsled" and found that someone did their homework already, claiming it would take 220 cats to pull a human and the supplies needed to go any stretch of distance (much of the weight being from catfood itself). Stray cats are EVERYWHERE. You telling me you can't find 220 of them? OF COURSE YOU CAN. It'll be easy.

Oh, you don't live in Alaska, or anywhere near snow? Well go for the urban version of the sled...the shopping cart. Sit on a shopping cart, strap 220 cats together with a maze of yarn, and get a long fishing pole to hold out a live mouse in front of them. The cats will go nuts for the live mouse. They'll be meowing in unison. It will be your own personal cat choir. Can you imagine anything more beautiful on your ears? Here's a drawing of what it will look like (I added a oversized novelty cowboy hat to the driver because I thought it would add to the overall experience):


On a serious note, there are far too many stray cats. For the love of all that is good and pure in this world, please have your pets spayed or neutered. If you do, Bob Barker will personally come to your house with the Plinko wall and other fabulous pricing games. And Drew Carey will be far, far away.