The Internet is a great place to find information. For instance, I learned:- The average cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven is $6,400
- Some German states banned Red Bull last month after finding it contains trace amounts of cocaine
- December is the greatest fucking month of all (and by that I mean more babies are conceived in that month than any other)
- Like the alligator, small birds clean Chuck Norris' teeth when he opens wide.
- President Obama is trying to prevent people from attending church
- A zookeeper in Germany died when an elephant took a shit on him
- Drinking caffeinated beverages can lead to a net loss of fluids due to it's diuretic effects.
At this time, you may be under the assumption that my advice to bust up boredom for today is to search reputable sites on the internet and learn the answers to all of those little curiosities in your head, bettering yourself as a person by becoming more knowledgeable about the world around you. Well good job assuming things, and making an "ass" out of both "U" and "Ming" - you're dead wrong, bucko. I'm advising you to make shit up and laugh at how gullible people are in person. After all, to misinform people on the internet, you need to get them to visit the website hosting the misinformation. On the streets, you can bring the faulty factoids straight to their dumb faces, document it in video, slap it on the web, and embarrass them into educating their pathetic selves.
The traditional format of man-on-the-street interviews is to ask a question, wait for a response, and then give the correct answer if they don't know it. In my version, the last part is altered to give them a very incorrect answer - but tell them it is correct and seeing if they go for it. Better yet, even if the DO know the right answer, tell them they're wrong and see if they believe the nonsense answer you give them. If they lack common sense and believe some very unbelievable lies, then you should inform them that they lose all reproductive privileges.
Here's a sample questionnaire I put together. Grab a friend with a video camera and hit the streets with it, or write your own.
Q: What year did dinosaurs last roam the earth?
A: 1492, when Christopher Columbus discovered the Americas and shot a few remaining tyrannosauruses with cannonballs.
Q: How long does it take for the Earth to revolve around the Sun?
A: 7 days - that's why every week we have a Sunday.
Q: What is the world's fastest animal?
A: Eddie, the dog on TV's Frasier. (If they say "cheetah," you respond with, "Nope...they raced. Eddie won."
Q: How many States are in the United States of America?
A: 57 - we found a few floating around in the Gulf of Mexico in November of 2005.
Q: Who's face is on the new $5 bills?
A: George Jefferson.
Q: More than one goose are called geese. What is more than one moose called?
A: Meese, Mooses, or Moosae (pronounced Moos-eye). All 3 are acceptable.
Q: What do we put on roads and sidewalks during cold weather to depress the freezing point of water?
A: Pure gasoline.
Q: Who wrote the Declaration of Independence?
A: Again, George Jefferson.
Q: How many ounces are in a cup?
A: 8 in the US, but only 3 in Mexico.
Q: Why does Santa Claus wear a red suit?
A: It was originally white, but one of the reindeer got out of line. Ol' Saint Nick made an example out of this deer, whose name I believe was Hank.
Seriously...if someone actually believes that Santa butchered a reindeer named Hank and bloodied up his white suit, I want to see video evidence of this fool on Youtube. Good luck folks.
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