Mount a Bear.

Take it easy, bear...I didn't mean "mount" that way.Imagine a family station wagon rolling down the freeway, Griswald-style. "Are we there yet?" screams little Johnny. "Who wants some dried fruit and peanut-butter crackers?" exclaims Mom. "Stop touching me!" cries little Susie, hopefully not in the direction of creepy Uncle Craig who is curiously in the back seat with her. But Dad is busy driving, slow and steady, and he's not phased by any of the shenanigans. Firmly entrenched in the middle lane, he glances right at the traffic breezing by him. He glances left at the supposedly slower lane, though cars are flying by him on that side as well. He looks ahead again. He glances right. He looks ahead, but quickly glances right again. Is that?....no...it...wha...THERE'S A FUCKING BEAR ON THAT CAR!

That's right. You went to the taxidermist and got the 9-foot, free-standing Kodiac Brown Bear for a mere $16,000, and mounted him to the roof of your car. Station wagon Dad doesn't quite understand how or why Yogi is highway-surfing on a Dodge Stratus ("Bears aren't even indigenous to these parts!" he declares), but he's surely driving faster now to keep up with the bear and figure that shit out. See...you mounted a bear and helped a slow Dad keep up with the flow of traffic at the same time. That's what we in the biz call a win-win situation (though the stuffed bears might debate you on that). The Kodiac may be a majestic creature of the forest, but you will surely be the king of the road with your logistically-improbable bear-car.